Friday, May 29, 2009
My Fifteen Minutes of Fame!
Well, I'm back! After several months of hectic working, chauffering kids around, reading and (very little) writing, I've actually found a few minutes to add something to this pathetic little blog that I update only occasionally.
Today, I'd like to write about an experience that I had actually several months ago which was rather unexpected.
I was asked to appear on the Tyra Banks Show as a guest. I was told the topic had to do with "Single Women vs. Married Women", an interesting moniker considering I didn't know single women and married women "had beef". Anyway, my profile was found by Tyra's producers on this reality tv website and they called and asked me to be a guest on the show to discuss my opinion on why it's "better to be married". Crazy topic, you say? Exactly! The first thing I wondered is how are they going to get people interested in this lame topic? I, personally, have no beef with single women, so what could I possibly say that would be even remotely interesting?
Well, I spoke with the producer for about a half hour and gave her my little back story on how I met my husband, decided to get married, when the kids came, sacrifices that I've made as a mother and wife for my family's sake, yada yada yada. She also asked me about my friends (single and married) and what I thought about their decisions not to have children or get married, etc. I told her about one friend that had decided she did not want to have children at all and that I had agreed she probably wouldn't make the best mom because she was rather selfish. As any mother knows, the one thing you can't be (if you're gonna be good at this "mommy" thing, that is) is selfish. I mentioned that some folks that are used to themselves being the focus of their life, may have a hard time understanding that it's no longer about you anymore once there are kids in the picture.
Well, fast-forward to taping day. I met the other married women who would be on the panel with me. One was a young mom with a baby who was in marketing and pursuing her Master's degree. Another girl was a young mom with a young baby, except she wasn't even married to her "baby's daddy". She told us she was a friend of one of the producers. Her friend had called and asked her to help round out the panel because they were one person short. It was funny to me how she was the main one of us on the panel who had the most controversial comments to make. She said she was "the epitome of the 50's housewife" who caters to her man, gets up at 5am to make his breakfast (all made up before he sees her) and iron his clothes before he goes off to work. She was so full of crap and was quite a good actress but it seemed to me that she was a bit class-less in her delivery. I saw through it and wondered if anyone else would. The other woman on the panel was just crazy. She was not married, about 35 years old and was desperate to find a man so she COULD get married and have kids. She had had Botox and other things done in order to make herself more attractive to the opposite sex. I would have suggested therapy, I think that would have been money better spent. Anyway, these are the people that I'm paired with and I'm thinking "this is gonna be a disaster".
So we get all primped and pretty and before we get ready to go on set, the producers come in and give us little cards with some of our statements and comments that we made in our "telephone interview" to refresh our memories. My card says that I "had been alone most of my life before I met my husband", "believe that single women who aren't married with kids, can't get a man" and "sometimes wish I hadn't gotten married so soon".
When I read these statements, I immediately grabbed the attention of the producer and told her that she must have confused my card with someone else's because these statements aren't things that I would ever say and most were just incorrect. I wasn't alone "most of my life" when I met my husband because I met him when I was 22 years old so that was impossible. I don't believe that single women who aren't married with kids "can't get a man" - actually, the friends that I have that are single are good women who would love to have a man and kids, there's just a shortage of good men out there (most of them are already married or gay, everyone knows that!). The part about me "wishing I hadn't gotten married so soon" is actually sort of correct. I always say I met my husband too soon before I had a chance to finish school and get a few years of my career under my belt before the kids started coming, so that was fine. In answer to my concern, the producer assured me that they would have time to fix the errors before the show started and I was fine with that explanation.
So, off we go to the studio to begin taping. Almost immediately, we recognized a group of women who must have been the "single ladies". They were giving us all dirty looks. At that point, I was really happy this wasn't the Jerry Springer Show. If it was, we probably would've gotten jumped once we entered the stage! These women looked really hostile and were not friendly at all. This was the point at which I really felt like I just didn't belong there.
The show began with Tyra asking the single and married ladies questions about their opinions on being single or married. The single women immediately seemed rather hostile to me and I wondered if the producers had baited them with comments supposedly made by the married women. Then, Tyra said to me, "So, Deborah, I'm told that you feel single women are single because they can't get or keep a man?" She asked the question with a stern look on her face and immediately I felt the camera zoom in for a close-up of my reaction. Now, I felt like she was challenging me, since I know she's single (and let's face it, her "singledom" is the reason for this show! It's important to note that at the time, I had no idea that the media was questioning Tyra's choice to remain single and may even have been questioning her sexuality too. I heard about that months later, when the show actually aired).)
So at the time, I don't recall how I responded or what, exactly, I said. I just remember feeling absolutely livid and wondering what would happen if I argued with Tyra about her lack of correct information, or if I just walked off the stage. I think also I felt like she was challenging me to say this thing to her that I knew would probably offend her. Then I remembered the producers telling us to "not be afraid to mix it up" and I thought "whatever I say they will just edit out anyway so, oh well." So, I opted to agree with Tyra. I think I said something like "Yeah, Tyra, apparently they don't know what they're doing", or something to that effect. She then asked if I said they were "selfish". And I agreed. I did explain that oftentimes when people have been focused on themselves for so long, oftentimes they're unable or unwilling to give a husband or a child the attention that they deserve. What I didn't explain was that when I made that statement, I was referring to a friend of mine (actually a former friend. Interesting that we're no longer friends because, partially, she couldn't understand my preoccupation with being a good mom, but that's another, rather long story).
So, now I'm mortified because Tyra's glaring at me and waiting to hear if I actually called her selfish and said that she obviously couldn't get and keep a man. Let's face it, this show was her opportunity to enlighten people that she is close to, family, friends, whatever, who have questioned why she is not married and preparing for kids. Its purpose was to make the married women look like their lives are so much more boring and unfulfilling than a single woman who is fortunate enough not to be tied down so they can go forth and set the world on fire.
I had an opportunity to redeem myself (assuming that was even necessary) farther along in the show when I mentioned that I was like the single women, at one time, and had the ultra-professional, demanding job. But I was forced to prioritize things in my life and chose my home and family, so that job had to go.
Everyone who saw the show (it aired on Wednesday, May 27, 2009) said that I presented myself well and had nothing to be ashamed of. I am still very disappointed in reality TV and believe that it's often contrived and manipulated into something that maybe people will want to see, at any cost. Will I do it again? Probably not. Was I happy with the outcome? Ehh. It is what it is.
I will say, however, that the makeup artists were phenomenal and had me looking great for the show - so that was nice. But I was disappointed that Tyra never introduced herself to the married women and never acknowledged us at all, unless the cameras were on. I found her to be very cold and a bit snooty. Maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect the single girls may have enjoyed a visit from her because they actually did interact in between commercial breaks. Maybe her feeling about the whole "issue" caused her to treat the married women differently, and she just couldn't help herself and remain professional. I don't know. I was also disappointed that the show felt it necessary to "pit" us against each other. I have never felt at odds with women who chose to remain single. If anything, I've felt sorry for them because I wonder if they will have regrets later in life for the choices they made. But I've never felt combative towards them to the extent that they seemed to have felt some hostility towards us. But who knows, that may all have been contrived by the producers in order to get some sparks flying for an issue that was really lame anyway.
I had asked for an autographed photo for my daughter and maybe a picture with Tyra but was denied both. I could live without a photo with Tyra but she's lost a fan in my daughter who adored her. It was an experience that I'm happy is over. Now, I'm positive that "reality TV" is not reality after all. It's all about ratings and drama - and if there is no drama, then it will be created, at any cost.
Today, I'd like to write about an experience that I had actually several months ago which was rather unexpected.
I was asked to appear on the Tyra Banks Show as a guest. I was told the topic had to do with "Single Women vs. Married Women", an interesting moniker considering I didn't know single women and married women "had beef". Anyway, my profile was found by Tyra's producers on this reality tv website and they called and asked me to be a guest on the show to discuss my opinion on why it's "better to be married". Crazy topic, you say? Exactly! The first thing I wondered is how are they going to get people interested in this lame topic? I, personally, have no beef with single women, so what could I possibly say that would be even remotely interesting?
Well, I spoke with the producer for about a half hour and gave her my little back story on how I met my husband, decided to get married, when the kids came, sacrifices that I've made as a mother and wife for my family's sake, yada yada yada. She also asked me about my friends (single and married) and what I thought about their decisions not to have children or get married, etc. I told her about one friend that had decided she did not want to have children at all and that I had agreed she probably wouldn't make the best mom because she was rather selfish. As any mother knows, the one thing you can't be (if you're gonna be good at this "mommy" thing, that is) is selfish. I mentioned that some folks that are used to themselves being the focus of their life, may have a hard time understanding that it's no longer about you anymore once there are kids in the picture.
Well, fast-forward to taping day. I met the other married women who would be on the panel with me. One was a young mom with a baby who was in marketing and pursuing her Master's degree. Another girl was a young mom with a young baby, except she wasn't even married to her "baby's daddy". She told us she was a friend of one of the producers. Her friend had called and asked her to help round out the panel because they were one person short. It was funny to me how she was the main one of us on the panel who had the most controversial comments to make. She said she was "the epitome of the 50's housewife" who caters to her man, gets up at 5am to make his breakfast (all made up before he sees her) and iron his clothes before he goes off to work. She was so full of crap and was quite a good actress but it seemed to me that she was a bit class-less in her delivery. I saw through it and wondered if anyone else would. The other woman on the panel was just crazy. She was not married, about 35 years old and was desperate to find a man so she COULD get married and have kids. She had had Botox and other things done in order to make herself more attractive to the opposite sex. I would have suggested therapy, I think that would have been money better spent. Anyway, these are the people that I'm paired with and I'm thinking "this is gonna be a disaster".
So we get all primped and pretty and before we get ready to go on set, the producers come in and give us little cards with some of our statements and comments that we made in our "telephone interview" to refresh our memories. My card says that I "had been alone most of my life before I met my husband", "believe that single women who aren't married with kids, can't get a man" and "sometimes wish I hadn't gotten married so soon".
When I read these statements, I immediately grabbed the attention of the producer and told her that she must have confused my card with someone else's because these statements aren't things that I would ever say and most were just incorrect. I wasn't alone "most of my life" when I met my husband because I met him when I was 22 years old so that was impossible. I don't believe that single women who aren't married with kids "can't get a man" - actually, the friends that I have that are single are good women who would love to have a man and kids, there's just a shortage of good men out there (most of them are already married or gay, everyone knows that!). The part about me "wishing I hadn't gotten married so soon" is actually sort of correct. I always say I met my husband too soon before I had a chance to finish school and get a few years of my career under my belt before the kids started coming, so that was fine. In answer to my concern, the producer assured me that they would have time to fix the errors before the show started and I was fine with that explanation.
So, off we go to the studio to begin taping. Almost immediately, we recognized a group of women who must have been the "single ladies". They were giving us all dirty looks. At that point, I was really happy this wasn't the Jerry Springer Show. If it was, we probably would've gotten jumped once we entered the stage! These women looked really hostile and were not friendly at all. This was the point at which I really felt like I just didn't belong there.
The show began with Tyra asking the single and married ladies questions about their opinions on being single or married. The single women immediately seemed rather hostile to me and I wondered if the producers had baited them with comments supposedly made by the married women. Then, Tyra said to me, "So, Deborah, I'm told that you feel single women are single because they can't get or keep a man?" She asked the question with a stern look on her face and immediately I felt the camera zoom in for a close-up of my reaction. Now, I felt like she was challenging me, since I know she's single (and let's face it, her "singledom" is the reason for this show! It's important to note that at the time, I had no idea that the media was questioning Tyra's choice to remain single and may even have been questioning her sexuality too. I heard about that months later, when the show actually aired).)
So at the time, I don't recall how I responded or what, exactly, I said. I just remember feeling absolutely livid and wondering what would happen if I argued with Tyra about her lack of correct information, or if I just walked off the stage. I think also I felt like she was challenging me to say this thing to her that I knew would probably offend her. Then I remembered the producers telling us to "not be afraid to mix it up" and I thought "whatever I say they will just edit out anyway so, oh well." So, I opted to agree with Tyra. I think I said something like "Yeah, Tyra, apparently they don't know what they're doing", or something to that effect. She then asked if I said they were "selfish". And I agreed. I did explain that oftentimes when people have been focused on themselves for so long, oftentimes they're unable or unwilling to give a husband or a child the attention that they deserve. What I didn't explain was that when I made that statement, I was referring to a friend of mine (actually a former friend. Interesting that we're no longer friends because, partially, she couldn't understand my preoccupation with being a good mom, but that's another, rather long story).
So, now I'm mortified because Tyra's glaring at me and waiting to hear if I actually called her selfish and said that she obviously couldn't get and keep a man. Let's face it, this show was her opportunity to enlighten people that she is close to, family, friends, whatever, who have questioned why she is not married and preparing for kids. Its purpose was to make the married women look like their lives are so much more boring and unfulfilling than a single woman who is fortunate enough not to be tied down so they can go forth and set the world on fire.
I had an opportunity to redeem myself (assuming that was even necessary) farther along in the show when I mentioned that I was like the single women, at one time, and had the ultra-professional, demanding job. But I was forced to prioritize things in my life and chose my home and family, so that job had to go.
Everyone who saw the show (it aired on Wednesday, May 27, 2009) said that I presented myself well and had nothing to be ashamed of. I am still very disappointed in reality TV and believe that it's often contrived and manipulated into something that maybe people will want to see, at any cost. Will I do it again? Probably not. Was I happy with the outcome? Ehh. It is what it is.
I will say, however, that the makeup artists were phenomenal and had me looking great for the show - so that was nice. But I was disappointed that Tyra never introduced herself to the married women and never acknowledged us at all, unless the cameras were on. I found her to be very cold and a bit snooty. Maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect the single girls may have enjoyed a visit from her because they actually did interact in between commercial breaks. Maybe her feeling about the whole "issue" caused her to treat the married women differently, and she just couldn't help herself and remain professional. I don't know. I was also disappointed that the show felt it necessary to "pit" us against each other. I have never felt at odds with women who chose to remain single. If anything, I've felt sorry for them because I wonder if they will have regrets later in life for the choices they made. But I've never felt combative towards them to the extent that they seemed to have felt some hostility towards us. But who knows, that may all have been contrived by the producers in order to get some sparks flying for an issue that was really lame anyway.
I had asked for an autographed photo for my daughter and maybe a picture with Tyra but was denied both. I could live without a photo with Tyra but she's lost a fan in my daughter who adored her. It was an experience that I'm happy is over. Now, I'm positive that "reality TV" is not reality after all. It's all about ratings and drama - and if there is no drama, then it will be created, at any cost.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Kids!
Hi, All!
It seems like FOREVER since I've written but I've been super-busy for quite some time!
I joined a creative writing group and have been contributing regularly to that for about 3 months now. I also started a book club with a few of my closest friends. Our first meeting is tomorrow and I'm hoping the rainy forecast doesn't keep them all away!
I'm also helping my 9-year-old daughter start a book club of her own (to keep her busy while I'm meeting with MY book club!). Glamour Girls Book Club sounds like it will be lots of fun for her!
Next are some pix of me, Ron, the kids and Mommy!
It seems like FOREVER since I've written but I've been super-busy for quite some time!
I joined a creative writing group and have been contributing regularly to that for about 3 months now. I also started a book club with a few of my closest friends. Our first meeting is tomorrow and I'm hoping the rainy forecast doesn't keep them all away!
I'm also helping my 9-year-old daughter start a book club of her own (to keep her busy while I'm meeting with MY book club!). Glamour Girls Book Club sounds like it will be lots of fun for her!
Next are some pix of me, Ron, the kids and Mommy!
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